Glossary
The words, explained
Gaslighting, love bombing, hoovering, trauma bonds — plain-English meanings of the words you’ll hear around narcissism, abuse and recovery.
30 words you’ll hear around narcissism, abuse and recovery — explained in plain English. These describe patterns of behaviour; they are never a way to diagnose someone.
C
Coercive control
A pattern of behaviour that slowly takes away someone's freedom — monitoring, isolating, controlling money or threatening. In England and Wales it has been a criminal offence since 2015.
Read the guide →Cognitive dissonance
The painful, confused feeling of holding two opposite beliefs at once — for example, “they love me” and “they keep hurting me”. It is a big part of why leaving can feel so hard.
Read the guide →Complex PTSD (C-PTSD)
A trauma response that can follow repeated or long-term harm rather than a single event. Only a qualified professional can diagnose it, but many survivors recognise its effects: hypervigilance, shame and trouble trusting.
Read the guide →Covert narcissism
A quieter, less obvious presentation of narcissistic traits — often described through sulking, victimhood, passive aggression and hidden resentment rather than loud grandiosity.
Read the guide →D
DARVO
Short for Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. When challenged, the person denies it happened, attacks you for raising it, then casts themselves as the one being hurt.
Read the guide →Devalue and discard
The later stages of a pattern often described in narcissistic relationships: after idealisation comes criticism and coldness (devalue), then sudden withdrawal or abandonment (discard).
Read the guide →E
Empath
A highly sensitive, deeply caring person who feels other people's emotions strongly. It is not a clinical term, but it helps many people understand why they absorb so much.
Read the guide →Enabler
Someone — often a family member — who, knowingly or not, protects or excuses harmful behaviour, so the behaviour carries on and the person on the receiving end feels unheard.
Read the guide →F
Fawn response
A survival reaction where you try to keep yourself safe by pleasing, appeasing and agreeing — putting the other person's needs first so conflict never starts.
Read the guide →Flying monkeys
People who are recruited — sometimes without realising it — to pass on messages, pressure or gossip on someone else's behalf. The name comes from The Wizard of Oz.
Read the guide →Future faking
Making promises about a shared future — holidays, marriage, change — to keep you hooked, with little intention of following through.
Read the guide →G
Gaslighting
Repeatedly denying or twisting what happened until you start to doubt your own memory, judgement and sanity. The term comes from the 1944 film Gaslight.
Read the guide →Grey rock
A way of protecting yourself when you can't avoid someone: you become as dull and unreactive as a grey rock, giving short, factual answers and no emotional reaction.
Read the guide →H
Hoovering
Attempts to “suck you back in” after a break-up or no-contact — sudden apologies, crises, nostalgia or promises that things will be different.
Read the guide →I
Intermittent reinforcement
Unpredictable swings between kindness and cruelty. Because the good moments are rare and random, they feel more powerful — which strengthens the bond.
Read the guide →L
Love bombing
Overwhelming attention, flattery and affection early on — lots of messages, gifts and big declarations — that moves a relationship very fast.
Read the guide →N
Narcissistic collapse
What can happen when someone who relies on admiration loses it suddenly — often shown as intense rage, withdrawal or despair.
Read the guide →Narcissistic injury
The deep sense of hurt someone with strong narcissistic traits may feel at criticism, rejection or being ignored — often out of proportion to what happened.
Read the guide →Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)
A clinical diagnosis that only a qualified professional can make. It is rare — estimated at around 1% of people. Everyday talk of “narcissistic abuse” describes a pattern of behaviour, not a diagnosis.
Read the guide →Narcissistic rage
An explosive or icy reaction to a perceived slight — shouting, cruelty or cold punishing silence — that feels far bigger than the moment warrants.
Read the guide →Narcissistic supply
The attention, admiration, reaction or control that someone with strong narcissistic traits seeks from others to prop up their sense of self.
Read the guide →No contact
Choosing to cut all contact with someone who harms you — no calls, messages or social media — to give yourself space to heal. Where there are children or legal ties, a limited form is often used instead.
Read the guide →P
Parentification
When a child is made to take on an adult's emotional or practical role — looking after a parent's feelings, siblings or the household.
Read the guide →Projection
Accusing you of the very things they are doing or feeling themselves — calling you selfish, dishonest or unfaithful, for example.
Read the guide →S
Silent treatment
Deliberately ignoring or withdrawing from someone as a punishment, leaving them anxious and trying to put things right.
Read the guide →Smear campaign
Spreading lies or half-truths about you to friends, family, colleagues or professionals, so people doubt you before you speak.
Read the guide →Stonewalling
Shutting down a conversation completely — refusing to answer, walking away or going blank — so issues can never be talked through.
Read the guide →T
Trauma bond
A powerful attachment to someone who hurts you, built through cycles of harm and kindness. It is a survival response — not a sign of weakness.
Read the guide →Triangulation
Bringing a third person into a relationship — an ex, a sibling, a colleague — to create jealousy, competition or insecurity.
Read the guide →W
Word salad
Circular, confusing conversation that jumps between topics and contradicts itself, leaving you exhausted and unsure what was even said.
Read the guide →Sources: clinical terms follow the DSM-5-TR (American Psychiatric Association, 2022) and ICD-11 (World Health Organization); see also the NHS guide to PTSD and complex PTSD and the Serious Crime Act 2015, section 76 (coercive control). If you are worried about your safety, find support now.
Not sure if this is what you're living with?
A few honest questions can help you see the pattern more clearly. Our self-reflection checklists are private, take a few minutes, and are never a diagnosis.
